I Should Have a Party for All the Thoughts I Didn’t Say is an interdisciplinary project - both a short film series and original dance-theatre piece about the social awkwardness of grief, inspired by the writing of Anton Chekhov. Structured as a funeral and funeral afterparty, the piece enters into a tragicomic world beyond known logic, asking questions Chekhov posed years before: how do we move forward when an uncertain future presses on a dying past, where emblems of nostalgia are intertwined with the complexities of human suffering? Is connection possible in a world drawn taut by the force of imminent change? Hitting the inflection point between past and future, this piece and is a powerful sum of collective and individual experiences, and a subconscious reaction to the living world of memory.

Just as the writing of Chekhov approached the blurred frontiers of past and future, so does the artistic team. By gathering artists from two significant artistic lineages of performance: current and former artists of Tanztheater Wuppertal Pina Bausch, as well as the Grotowski Institute-based physical theatre company, Teatr ZAR, the performance will be a kaleidoscope of artistic influences, erupting from one medium to the other, refusing to impose a single viewpoint, leaving the door open for the audience to comprehend a myriad of themes.

By collaborating with these artists, we reflect on the lineages of two post-war artists: Jerzy Grotowski, of Poland, and Pina Bausch, of Germany, and the relationship between the two, and how their work resonates today. This project will invoke the cross-generational tensions vitally woven into Chekhov’s text, written at the precipice of change. In content, form, and context, we look our histories, both personal and shared, in the face and see what, if anything, can be salvaged – and what must be left behind. Our production will be built around the vibration of a community caught at the inflection point between an imperfect past and an unknown future.

A work in progress performance was carried out as part of Teatr ZAR project Dance Tradition Transgression in November 2023, and was the first draft of the stage work. These performances were co-financed by the Minister of Culture and National Heritage from the Culture Promotion Fund as part of the Dance program, implemented by National Institute of Music and Dance. The project was also supported through a research fellowship at the David Geffen School of Drama at Yale.

Both the films and stage work will premier in 2024.